As we approached Ahmednagar that call did not strengthen but rather gave way to the limited ego self who chanted, "Why have you come? " With the clicking of the wheels, the Voice that originally said, "Baba wants me to come now," had changed to say, "I have taken it upon myself to come now." And that was my suffering. . could he possibly have been pleased with our brash last-minute cable from Woodstock, New York, saying, "Your call is irresistibly lodged in our hearts, we are on our way. Thy will be done?"

Only God knows how I felt as I dragged our ridiculously heavy suitcase onto the platform at Ahmednagar. Phyllis with her sharp eyes saw Adi Irani in the gloom of the station before the train had stopped and had called to him from our compartment. We stood in a silent triangle of embrace; three gathered together in the name of God and the living Saviour of the millennium. It helped to get my feet in the ground. Adi said, “Baba will see you at nine in the morning. You should get a good night's rest."

But even these words did not entirely reassure me, for they did not tell me what I wanted to know…did Baba want me to come? Yet for some reason, I did not dare to ask Adi the simple question, "Was Baba pleased with my cablegram?" If I had asked, my chains of suffering would have fallen from my heart and mind. For Adi would have told me that Baba was very happy to hear that I was coming, and I would have floated on clouds of bliss. I realized as soon as we met Adi that Baba in his boundlessly universal compassion would not send me away without darshan. But I wanted this whole mad pilgrimage to be His will and not mine. I needed to feel swept onto the shore of God's front yard by the tide of divine destiny. Nothing else would do for this pilgrim's fantasy! But not knowing of Baba's real happiness in my arrival, I was left with the feeling that Baba would see us at much cost to himself.

Adi drove us to the house of Viloo and Sarosh Irani, a house provided by Baba for just such erratic visitors as we. We arrived to discover that Sarosh was very ill with complications from an operation. The atmosphere of the house was a bit strained. I heard Viloo say to Phyllis as we approached, before Phyllis could say it herself, "Remember me? "

If everyone in the world were like the disciples of the Avatar, simple and guileless, there would be no war or crime or inhumanity to man. This planet would be a veritable garden of Eden. The Avatar comes because he is needed, and he sees to it that he is needed.... He is like the master mechanic who goes on working at the maintenance of his own machine.

When we entered the house, Phyllis said, "It is not like it was when I was here last." Indeed, Sarosh's illness weighed heavily on the house.