Volume 17 Number 1 Page 24

Of course I was just waiting for this word, because I had decided that from that moment on, I should flee into the woods and into the jungles, and start praying to God, and seeking God. I wouldn't pay any attention to food, or to clothes, or to anything else. This was how Baba solaced me and gave me comfort. He said: "I will give you all that you want, under the condition that you listen to what I say and you obey me, and I will show you God, and then you can see God." I said, "I am ready to obey you, and I PROMISE to obey you."

At that very moment, Baba took my hand and took me out of the classroom into his own room there where he would rest himself. He had me sit there, and he lay on the bed, took a sheet over himself, and lay there for about twenty minutes. Then he got up, and he ordered to bring a carriage, which you can still see today in Baba's museum. This was that carriage and Baba would sit in it, and two people would draw it around the Prem Ashram. Of course they would first take it along the road where the cars go, then they would take it over the railway, and then they would go up the hill towards Meher Ashram. Baba got on it and asked me to go and sit next to him. So I got on, but I saw that there was no place for me to sit. So I stood right next to Baba there, and when they started to move the carriage, Baba asked me to hold his arm. I held his arms, and the two people took us in the carriage to the top of the hill to Meher Ashram.

Then Baba said to get down now. I got off, Baba got off, and he told me: "Did you see how bumpy the road was, how terrible the road was? If you were not holding my arm, you would have fallen off. And in the same way, when you want to thread the spiritual path, you have to obey the Master completely." I said, "All right." And so Baba told me: "From today on, you have to observe silence. And from this day, I am your God. I am your saint, I am your prophet, I am your father and mother, all of your worldly belongings I am also. You must leave everything for me, and you must pay attention only to me. You must not pay attention to anything else; you must focus on me." And at that moment, I accepted that. And Baba left and got on the carriage, and left me up there.

Of course there were others also in the Meher Ashram. But of course I was in my own state, and the children were studying. Until the next day I was expecting Baba to visit the Ashram. When I saw Baba's carriage in the distance, the experience of true love, that love which we must have for our God, that experience appeared in my heart all of a sudden and all by itself. From then on I knew what the meaning of real love was. But that was still very elementary then.

Baba came up the hill and told me: "If mistakenly you ever speak, you should come down to me with somebody accompanying you, and sit with me for half an hour or so, and then you can leave again." And many times it happened such that I would mistakenly speak, and a word would escape from my mouth. Whenever I would make a mistake and speak, somebody would accompany me and we would go down to Baba. I would speak with Baba there, and finally Baba would always say that he forgave me.

And like this, some time passed. Of course I should say that it was very clear what my job was there: my aim was only Baba.

By now I had realized that my everything was Baba, and that Baba is God in human form. I had realized that, but of course, not in such a high state as, for example, Pakravan* and that four days of unconsciousness that he had** — not like that. But in my heart from very deep, I really loved Baba.

Gradually, I got into the bumpy road of thoughts. These bumps in the road of thoughts gradually made me lose my path, my direction. Baba was completely aware of what was happening, and he would keep questioning me about what I was thinking, and say that I should throw out all these nonsense thoughts from my mind. He said: "You have very high fortune. You should pay attention to me. Forsake everything for me. Whatever happens for you, give it to me, and let your attention be constantly on me."