gestured to me. Of course I could understand his gestures very well. There was also this card on which ABCD was written, and whatever words I would not understand, he would say in Persian on that alphabet board. He would say, and I would understand.

At any rate, for half an hour Baba was spending time with me, to find out what these thoughts were that I was having. He would be constantly asking me to tell him my thoughts. But I was shy to tell him that I was constantly thinking insults and had thoughts about him. I didn't tell him; I was shy. Until finally Baba himself told me: "You think THESE things and these things." But still I wouldn't let him know, and I would pretend as though I didn't know what he was talking about. I was feeling as if I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me right there and then, because I felt SO low and SO ashamed. I had realized that Baba was aware of all my thoughts, every single one of my thoughts. I understood all of this very well.

Finally Baba asked me on the alphabet board the thought that was in my mind. Still I wouldn't let him know, and pretended I didn't understand. But then Baba gestured: "I understand very well, but you are pretending as though you are not understanding. You understand it very well." Then he left there. And he told me: "I've never waited so long for anyone to tell me something. You have very high fortune, very good fortune. You are very lucky. Why are you throwing it all out?"

Well, in those days I was only sixteen years old; I was just a child, and I couldn't think correctly. I was in the same bumpy road for awhile, but gradually I had begun to have a little more control over those thoughts. From the very instant that Baba expressed my thoughts, gradually I started to begin to have control over my thoughts, until it reached a point that, as soon as I would sit to think of Baba, no other thought could enter my mind.

I didn't know that the time of departure had arrived. We had no idea of this. At that time, my thoughts had come completely under my own control. When I would sit to meditate, no other thoughts could ever enter my mind. It was like a man who sits in a tanker, and all the bullets which hit the tanker fall off. I would feel that thoughts would want to come, but they couldn't enter. They could not come and sit in my mind.

Now and then Baba would come to my side, just as I was meditating. Whenever Baba would be approaching me from outside the room, although I was inside the room, I would feel that he was approaching. After I would have such a feeling, it wouldn't pass very long before I would find Baba next to me. Baba would take my head into his bosom. As I was meditating, he would embrace my head into his bosom. He would hold it there, and then with gestures he would tell me to continue. Then he would exit again. He would come directly to my side. Although there were many other children sleeping there, I was awake.

How was this that I was awake? When I was completely absorbed in meditation, a very subtle and gentle light I would feel in myself. I would he absorbed and drowned in that. And then I couldn't sleep — there was no sleep then for me. I was in a state that was a subtle wakefulness. I had such a joy and wonderful feeling. That wonderful feeling and that joy that I would feel in those moments! I can say with courage and with certainty, that if it would happen to normal people, they would immediately have a heart attack and collapse, and would have a shock, because they wouldn't have the capacity to bear that. I can say this with certitude.

And I was in this sort of state that once in awhile Baba would ask for me. Baba would ask me: "What were your feelings? What was happening to you?" And as soon as I would say a few words, he would say: "O.K., stop, don't say the rest." And then I wouldn't say anything else. I was in this state and sometimes, for example, Baba would come towards the evening, just about like right now. He would come in front of Hall No. 2, just like that on the ground, on the petals there, on the sand there. He would sit there just like that, with all the children around him. We were all around him. I would approach him to sit